Entering Motherhood- From Newlyweds to New Parents

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Becoming a mom was something I had wanted forever. Not in an all consuming way like a lot of other girls say- it’s not all that I lived for. But in a way that it was something I always knew I wanted and saw for myself in the future.

I got pregnant with my first son in 2020, year of the Covid pandemic. So along with all the changes going on in the world, my friends weren’t around, my family’s presence lessened and along with my husband, our support system was already halved before we even had the baby. 

We, however, were thriving. With the unknowns in the early pandemic I was working shorter hours, my husband was working from home and we were spending more time together than we have since college. We were living the young-millennial-without-kids dream Aka doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted to do it. 

We were avid hikers, hobby (but daily) crossfitters and ambitious DIYers. We thought we were so busy, and we were- with all of our fun acitivies, and being very active dog parents, newlyweds and home owners.

The delivery with our first son was more chaotic than expected. As a Type-A person, I had a plan and I wanted and expected everything to go according to my plan! I did not know how unrealistic that was, especially for a hospital birth. Long story short, our kid finally came out screaming and hasn’t stopped screaming since. 

This boy rocked our world. The road from two newlyweds to first time parents was bumpy. Our son was colicky and unpredictable and hard to soothe. We were constantly  stressed and on edge. We no longer had time to just “be,” nonetheless time for hobbies or the things that made us feel like ourselves.

Eventually, we got into some type of routine and the witching hours began to settle down. We adapted to the chaos. And although things were improving, I still didn’t find time for myself. I gave ideas for DIY projects, but I couldn’t really participate much because someone had to be caring for the baby. Quick workouts  were done after we put baby to bed, a routine that often took hours and left us exhausted by the time we were able to workout. We were still not seeing our friends a little because of the pandemic, but mostly because we didn’t have much in common anymore. We were some of the first in our friend group to have kids and it just seemed like we crossed into a new chapter, making it hard to get things scheduled and even harder to easily create conversation. Overall, I felt sidelined. The parts of life that made me “me” weren’t options and definitely were not the priority. No one talks about the identity crisis that comes with being a first time mom. No one prepares you to completely lose yourself and not know who you are- other than your new role as a mother. 

With this baby, everything changed. Our world was flipped upside down with this tiny little human, and although we often were frustrated and on the brink of a meltdown- our lives were better, our hearts were fuller and we would give everything up over and over again to be this little boy’s parents. 

To this day, I stand by the fact that becoming a mom has been the hardest feat of my life. From completely losing my identity and hobbies to just trying to survive each day and finally to figuring out who the “new me” was (I’m still doing this) every step has been so well worth it to raise and grow this boy that is the light of my life. 

Even though I still struggle some days with frustration that I don’t have time/energy/ability  to “x, y, z,” I know that these days won’t last forever. One day I’ll have plenty of time again for my own activities and hobbies and I might even be a little bored or lonely without a baby crying for me or a toddler hanging onto my leg or asking for a snack.